How to find right one for you- Can I be sure that this is the ideal partner? That I finally found THE great love? The shrink Juliette Allais declines the clues which allow to reinforce the sometimes fragile and tenuous feeling that this time will be the good one.
How to find right one for you
1. It’s not a fantasy
The ideal partner does not exist. It is possible to have beautiful, fulfilling romantic relationships throughout your life. There is not THE prince charming, only one person who corresponds to us. It does not exist. To be waiting for that person who would fulfill all our desires before we even formulate them is a mistake, a fantasy.
We are going to meet an authentic human being in flesh and blood: he will inevitably have characteristics that will seduce us and others less, as well as a past with which we will have to deal. We must therefore accept the idea of not being fulfilled, the idea that the relationship has lacks and that this is the sign of an adult relationship. The ideal man or woman only exists in our imagination.
2. He / she is like no other
We often see that it is the right one when we leave the painful pattern of previous relationships. Something new is falling into place. Suddenly, we don’t reproduce the same expectations forever. Suddenly, the other does not look at all like the Girlfriend of the past, but he touches on something that has intimately meaning for us.
We will be able to share very personal subjects with her / him, to carry out a project that is close to our heart, without our having sometimes been aware of it until now. He comes to join us, to seek us out in a very unique part of ourselves: our creativity, our deepest wishes… He helps us to fulfill ourselves.
3. The word circulates
We can express ourselves freely, tell each other what bothers us without fear of reactions, without fear of offending. Of course, this is not about making accusations or being hurtful or verbally abusive. But it must be possible to approach all the subjects openly: sexuality, politics, education of children…
The other listens to us without judging, without criticizing, without restraining us, without exercising manipulation, without criticism, neither contempt nor manipulation. Individual differences are neither a fear factor nor a risk factor. They even feed us.
4. It is possible to be true
We are not afraid to be ourselves and to show ourselves as we are, unvarnished. Everyone can unfold freely, under a loving gaze. We accept ourselves as we are with our little flaws, with our weaknesses. It’s not about letting go but being able to be natural without feeling guilty, without being afraid of losing love. We can show our fatigue, our weariness after a day’s work.
We feel safe. We don’t feel obligated to transform into someone else to please him or to match expectations that we imagine ourselves have to meet or that he / she would formulate: “You are not this enough”, ” You should be more like that… ”etc… It is precisely the fact of being oneself, of being true, of being authentic, of showing oneself in all its facets that feed love and bond.
5. He / she takes care of us
The relationship is not a place where we are mothered, where the other has to replace a parent who has been failing, where we turn into a child or parent of one another. We are in an adult-to-adult relationship, but this relationship carries us. The other wants for us the best of what we want to become and vice versa.
Confidence is the key element of intimacy. It is not a block (only the child trusts his parent completely), but a base on which the relationship is built. However, this confidence can sometimes falter, be altered. We can be disappointed by the other, hurt by their behavior, but in the end, we know that we can trust them. Or not.
We are in a space of welcome and deployment where each one rejoices in the existence of the other, that he is alive, that he feels desires and where we strive to help each other. other to achieve our aspirations. This posture does not necessarily go without saying: it sometimes requires renouncements, sacrifices, not to try to pass in front of the other, not to forget him to think only of oneself, not to try to “him”. domesticate ”. We are allies and this alliance makes us shine. “